However, most kinky people have to get out to events. There are also some big kink events that are great if you can afford to travel.
I am uninterested in going to Fetlife munch's because of some social anxiety, but that seems the only way to maybe meet someone. There are not huge numbers of people and it is a long process to find the right people.
If you are dominant, you are matched to other dominants and there is no way to change this.
The orientation is not even an option when filling out what you are looking for, beyond Gay, Straight, Bi.
if you are a submissive male, your first experiences will almost certainly be with professionals.
There are few dominant women and many submissive men and the odds are incredibly against you.