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The way i think now i cant believe that i was capable of that level of cruelty.I sometimes feel like i don't deserve to have another chance.Over the course of about 9 months though, i managed to completely ruin all but one of those relationships to the point where everyone completely hated me.For context of the type of person I became: I got kicked out of my friend's wedding (where i was a groomsman) after trying to sleep with his wife during the reception.I believed that I was in the right even when I did things that any normal person could see was completely wrong. Looking back at the things I did now I am able to see just how terrible I was.Since being diagnosed/treated I have tried to fix some of the damage I caused by my behavior but I am not sure I can. Even though I have been told that the tumor likely impacted my personality during that time, they (understandably) cant separate the person I was during that time from the person I was before/am now.Most of my friends have been willing to meet with me to hear my apologies/ accept the things I have offered to try and make up for what I did to them but they still dont want to try and have a relationship with me again. I know that I need to accept this and that they are right.If i were in their shoes i know i would feel the same way.
I am also really struggling accepting the fact that, I was that type of person.And this is not the only horrible thing I did during this time. I was basically exiled because of who I had become.It got to the point where no one in my life would have anything to do with me. The the only person who stuck around did so because they knew me the longest (we were in a home together as kids and wound up going to the same college) and recognized how extremely out of character I was behaving.This is long, it’s also something that if you read it in a fictional novel, it would be too far fetched to believe.I have been with my husband for ten years, we met backpacking.